Shitty Craft In Action: The ULTIMATE Junkie Jewellery

Minimalism is for dead people.
Minimalism is for dead people.

Just to prove that I practice what I preach, this necklace will be forming part of my performance attire. Its history and construction have imbued it with certain powers, and I want them on me.

The rune. I’m not big on runes. I dig tarot, but runes are not my area of expertise. (At one point I will write a post explaining how I can read tarot but also believe in science. I’m not a fuckin hippie. And fuck the ‘New Age’.) Anyway, the rune is Perth or Perthro. The dice cup, source of fate, fated to be on my necklace because it’s the only rune I had with a hole handily bored through it. (Sometimes) free choice is an illusion.

So hey, don’t you think my magic necklace is fun? It’s got all kinds of secret powers and personal meanings, but you’ll never know what they are. The rules of successful magical work are: To know, to will, to dare, to keep silent.

Arguably writing a fucking blog boasting about it isn’t keeping particularly silent, but this is more an aesthetic boast. My plastic fantastic irony tat-maximalist look deserves attention.

And yes, that is one of Barbie’s stilettos on there. It’s orange. Matches my lipstick.

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Shitty Craft In Action: The ULTIMATE Junkie Jewellery

Shitty Craft #4: Junkie Jewellery

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Cyberpunk or something. It’s called Junkie jewellery because 1. It’s made of junk, woo recycling! And 2. It has zero resale value, so even if you have long since flogged all your precious metals to Cash Converters (shoulda used a real jeweller mate…) you can rock this fabulous look. It’s called upcycling, and hipsters spend a lot of money on it.

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This one was once part of a bracelet, a curtain ring, and a handle from a fancy shopping bag.
Both of these are my new favourite works in progress, endlessly re-arrangable and basically free. Better than free: in using up my horded tat I’m actually increasing my quality of life and real estate value of my dwelling.

So what do you think, do I have a future career in “upcycled” design? This is the easiest Shitty Craft yet, just find a string or other long narrow object, adorn it, and fasten it round your neck (preferably avoiding strangulation hazards) and you’re good to go! Follow my blog for more shitty crafts, (might branch out into bracelets! Even earrings! They look hard.) And there might be some cookery, cycling, politics and ADVENTURES coming up as well.

Shitty Craft #4: Junkie Jewellery