This is the First Day

Today I got confirmation of my psychiatric diagnosis.

Borderline Personality Disorder & Depressive Personality Disorder. I don’t wholly disagree with this. Although Depressive P.D. isn’t in the current DSM, and Wikipedia calls it a ‘controversial psychiatric diagnosis’. Is it even real? I don’t know. I can have a non-real disorder, that’s fine.

Even if psychiatry is a scam (and hey, it might be), I still chose their labels to signify a new time in my life. New blog, new start, right? I’m 25 and have been sad for a long time. At least now I have some kind of name for it. Names are power. Or the illusion of such.

Believe it or not from this patchy and incoherent post, I call myself a writer, sometimes. Or at least, I write poetry, sometimes. And the odd article or propaganda leaflet. For a little while, a long time ago, I wrote porn video descriptions and promo. On my CV, I call that SEO skills. I also have an English Lit. with Creative Writing degree on my CV, but none of this matters because I’ve never had a job or even passed an interview for one. Sometimes that makes me sad, but probably not as sad as work makes me.

I’m writing this blog because I got sick of writing longhand in paper books. My hand is in agony thanks to my left-handed claw-grip handwriting style. Also maybe I can entertain, inform, and generally be an insufferably self-obsessed ass in the public domain, and thus garner attention and possibly even love. Oh, and reach out to all y’all other people with a less than easy mental state, because I know it can feel pretty fucking lonely out there.

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This is the First Day

I am…

I have no stable, internal sense of identity. I pick things up and drop them again. I read voraciously but without the concentrated depth necessary for true academic analysis.

I usually live on a narrowboat in North London, but right now I’m in Derbyshire at my parents’ house. I move around a lot; to travel is better than to arrive, but that does make it confusing when I have to put an address on official documents.

Interests that may appear in this blog include anarchism, environment, human rights, leftism, post-leftism, going out and getting wrecked, literature, Literature, poetry, art, performance, DIY haircuts, canals and boats, morbid curiosities, drugs, alcohol, mental health/mental illness, superstition, postmodernism, The Future, the struggle, the tentative hope that we can do better than this.

I plan to share reviews and opinions, research and creative writing, as well as my usual misery, snark and sarcasm. I’ll try and keep things on track, posts tagged and categorised, but this little corner of internet may collapse into chaos, just like any physical space I inhabit for more than ten minutes.

Just hope this blog will be neater than my desk.
Just hope this blog will be neater than my desk.

 

I am…