Morbid Crafts and a Dental Update. Toothy grins all round!

A couple of months ago, (among other things), I promised to visit the dentist.

I did that. As predicted, it was Not Fun. I’ve had two fillings since.Two of my teeth are now 50% metal. It was that bad. The dentists looked very sad about the state of my teeth, even bringing their colleagues in to observe and wonder at how my teeth got so fucked up. I’m only 26. I didn’t do that much crack, but I have spent a large proportion of my diet on sweets (pure candy, no chocolate or fat to get in the way of the sugar), cheap cider and wine. These together must be able to liquefy enamel in seconds. That, and crashing out wasted without cleaning my teeth, staying out on sessions long enough to bypass the recommended twice daily brushing, have done for my dental work. The long-since cured bulimia probably went a long way towards the acid erosion, and also left me with a nice case of GERD which has flooded my teeth with even more acid. I have spent a lot of time puking. Now I’m paying the price, with my translucent, carious, crumbling teeth.

What really spurred me on to get my teeth sorted was that a chunk fell off my premolar. I was just eating a blue raspberry BonBon (see, told you I have a tooth-friendly diet), there was a strange crunching sensation, and I was spitting out a chunk of enamel. I had to live with a jagged hole in my tooth for a few days, waiting for a dentist appointment to become available. It was unpleasant. The jagged edges cut my tongue, and having a foul pit of decay in the centre of your tooth actually tastes pretty bad.

This is how my lovely NHS dentists fixed up my tooth.

A tooth constructed mostly of amalgam filling
Cyborg tooth

So, now I had a piece of my tooth just lying around. I also had a pack of plain silver earring posts. (Link there to get some for hella cheap on ebay, just in case this post inspires you to do some weird gross craft. Or even some nice craft. Don’t let me bring you down.)

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All you need to make any kind of earrings is silver plated posts and Loctite. Loctite is the best glue, it will not let you down.

……

And so, the denoument. The tooth earring. It has power. It has decay. It has a subtle aesthetic, probably wouldn’t draw attention unless you ran around screaming that you were wearing your own decaying bodily matter as jewellery.

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I feel there is plenty power to be had in keeping your own body bits close. 1. It prevents evil voodooists using them against you, and 2. It’s keeping it all close to home. What could be more emotionally and psychically meaningful than a tooth that took me what, five years to grow? That’s some attachment. There’s energy stored up in there.

And believe me, there is also a great deal of rage directed at my pathetic failure of a tooth. It’s not even just that tooth. It’s been 2 years since I got the all-clear from a previous dentist, and in that time my teeth have basically dissolved. They’re all weak and pathetic. I have yet another dental appoinment this week, for yet another filling. 3 fillings in 3 weeks. I’m just glad I don’t generally find them painful. The root canal was a walk in the park. But it is all getting rather repetetive.

If things don’t improve, I’m going this direction: VAMPIRE GRILLZIf Marilyn Manson can do it, why can't I? Gotta hide my busted teeth somehow.

If Marilyn Manson can do it, why can’t I? Gotta hide my busted teeth somehow.

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Morbid Crafts and a Dental Update. Toothy grins all round!

Wilkos’ R&D and Marketing Departments Have ISSUES

Wilko Low Calorie Anti-Reflux Syrup
Yes, that is a grey, underweight-looking body in the background, doing the classic anorexic pose.

I went to town yesterday, and saw this. I was actually shocked, and I am very rarely shocked. Nor am I one of those people who declares shock to try and stir up outrage. But this medicine is messed up. It is marketed completely and deliberately at people (women, specifically) with eating disorders.

I had eating disorders from age 15 to 19 or something like that (my memory of teenage years is mercifully fuzzy) so I know. I still have some part of me, which is ever alert to weight and food weirdness. This particular thing has so many things wrong, which put together, add up to a very definite conclusion.

  1. There is a skinny body in the background. There is no reason for this, at all. No other reflux medicine has similar packaging. The body is androgynous, with pronounced neck and collar bones, in a faded grey. It’s all very ‘thinspo’.
  2. That it says ‘low calorie’ rather than ‘sugar free’. Who worries about the calories in their Gaviscon? Anorexics, that’s who. Diabetics (and parents of hyperactive children) are concerned with sugar specifically, and so usually products are labelled ‘sugar free’. Not many people think ‘Oh dear, I’m carrying a few extra pounds, I should change my diet a bit… I better cut down on the antacids!’
  3. Starving and throwing up both make you really need this product. Marketing team know this. Hell, I still need this product (although please, not caramel flavour), even many years later. (Although maybe the cider isn’t helping either.)
  4. Caramel flavour? Because real sweets bring too much guilt, this is your compensation. Yes, EDs are fun aren’t they.
  5. The text is pink. I know it’s fucked up, but pink is still considered the girliest colour, and eating disorders are stereotyped as a girl disease. Acid reflux in general is not thought of as a ‘feminine issue’. Why would they try to narrow down a wide market by being so weirdly specific? Because marketing is sexist, of course.
  6. The eating disordered population is growing fast. According to charity Beat, 6.4% of the population shows signs of an eating disorder, and the number of inpatient hospital admissions is increasing by 7% year on year. Sub-clinical body image and eating problems are widely prevalent, with up to two thirds of adults suffering negative body image. So it does make financial sense to market to the eating disordered.
  7. After all, what do you think the diet industry is?

I never thought that Wilkos were evil. I know they are just another capitalist conglomerate, but somehow they always gave off a nicer vibe than the other massive chain stores. Who knows why they have made this product? Like chocolate flavoured Ex-Lax, it is inexplicable in its weirdness.

Wilkos’ R&D and Marketing Departments Have ISSUES