Progress Report: 28 years

 I had plenty of goals last birthday, which was so long ago that I can’t at all remember who I was back then. Not anywhere near as cool as I am now, definitely. My goals were not ambitious, and I still failed to achieve most of them.
The good thing is that many of them became irrelevant, and I was too busy doing much better things with my time. I’m going to list these things because I’m grateful to the universe for letting me happen them. When I list them it feels like being a child on birthday morning sitting with a great stack of shiny presents.
Things I didn’t expect would have happened a year ago, which happened nonetheless.
  • I have a home, a lovely home with a lovely housemate. I love living in Derby, there are so many amazing people here. I’m kind of living independently.
  • I’m Pippa Porcupine’s Damn Fine Natural Skincare Co.
  • There is a great deal of poetry. I love performing. Still get scared but it’s good kicks.
  • There is a great deal of love. ❤ to you all.
  • Summer was amazing and I’m spinning with the seasons. From Beltane til Solstice, to Lammas and beyond…
  • The pain is the pain of cracking eggshells, reaching roots, unfurling leaves. Growth.
  • Piracy is a viable option.
  • A hat and a cackle are all you need.

 

What did I want a year ago? Modest things to be going on with. I’m a work in progress.

Get Fit

  • I’m still a traffic hazard, but don’t let that stop me from biking everywhere.
  • I go to yoga most weeks, it’s only up the road. I’ve even started doing some stretches on waking, sun saluting into the waking world. More yoga needed though, I’m getting old and creaky.
  • I still still eat a lot of cheese. Cheese is important to me and I have no wish to forsake it. I wish to maintain and encourage my love of wholesome veg based meals. Nosh them probiotics as well.
  • Apparently I’d stopped smoking a year ago. Or at least I was vaping constantly, not sure if that’s an improvement. I smoke a bit now and have no goals to change that.
  • GOAL WAS RIDICULOUS, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN MATE: Drink once or twice a week, at most. HAAAAA I can’t believe I made this goal, what an idiot. I am slowly getting sensible though, if only because hangovers are worse now.

New goals:

  • Dance more.
  • Climb up things.
  • Learn to fight.

Writing

  • My poetry pamphlet, Thou Shalt Not Suffer, was published and I’ve nearly sold out again. Only 4 left, if you don’t have one yet you should get on it.
  • I’ve written and performed a whole bunch of new poems. Some of them are pretty good. People seem to like them.
  • Write more stuff. This year I want to do 2 new books at least.
  • Get back to blogging
  • Still a goal: Daily freewriting
  • More journalling. Otherwise I forget where I’ve been and that makes map-making confusing and narrative next to impossible.

New goals:

  • Sell yourself. Make a performance video. Get booked to perform at festivals and other places that are not here.

Social/Activism

  • City-Zen is in the pipeline.
  • Get back on the volunteering.

Mental Health

  • I GRADUATED FROM THERAPY! Got a certificate and everything. DBT helped me so much, gave me skills I use every day and a solid background in Mindfulness that is a foundation for life. I met some amazing friends there and am so thankful that I got this treatment. Protect NHS mental health services please.

New Goals:

  • Carry on growing and learning new skills to live by
  • Regular meditation practice will help
  • Earth

Other Stuff

  • Everything constantly needs tidying. This does not qualify as a life goal.
  • I still want to do some art.
  • I don’t want to learn how to knit, why did I think that was a sensible goal?
  • Why did I set a goal to learn to drive when I will never be able to afford a car?
  • I never learnt violin (my violin is busted) but I did pick up a bit of tin whistle! I enjoy it a lot. Can almost play 3 whole tunes!
  • Didn’t get round to this other other goal: Get better at poi.
  • Adventures will always be a goal

 

Looking back over previous birthdays, there has been a theme that I felt life was passing me by while I failed to achieve anything of note whatsoever. This is absolutely not the case this year. While I still sometimes weep into the darkness when confronted by the absolute insignificance of my life, I can also recognise that the past year was a significant one in so many ways. Now it’s time to start giving back and making best use of this life I’ve been regifted.

There are so many people whose love and kindness and all round excellence has got me here and if I just pay that love forward the world will be brightened. It’s the least I could do.

Thank you all.

Never thought I’d get this far but it’s fucking nice here.

Cheers.

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Progress Report: 28 years

Goal Report: 27 years

Tomorrow I turn 27. A dangerous age. But what have I achieved in this past year of my life? I had plenty of goals last birthday, and of course I had plenty of ideas at New Year. So, how did I do?

Get Fit

  • I still need to bike more. Still need to learn how to ride on the road without being a traffic hazard.
  • GOAL ACHIEVED: Tenby Half Marathon!
  • However, my physio now says, no more running until my wonky knee is fixed 😦
  • I was doing a Youtube yoga course, and it was good.  But, I drifted away after a couple of months. I should get back on this.
  • I still eat a lot of cheese. But also I cook some delicious healthy vegetable and fish based meals. Goal still in progress, I guess.
  • Goal achieved-ish: Quit smoking, again. I vape a bit. And am still known to steal cigs when drunk. But generally, I don’t smoke any tobacco.
  • GOAL WAS RIDICULOUS, NEVER GONNA HAPPEN MATE: Drink once or twice a week, at most.

Writing

  • My poetry pamphlet, Thou Shalt Not Suffer, is about to be published
  • I didn’t manage to do much else though. Polish and submit poems and short stories I already have? NOPE
  • Write more stuff. Kinda?
  • Keep blogging. Patchy. Very patchy.
  • Get some work experience/do some journalism/something something professional writer. Something something not gonna happen, something something too vague.
  • I did not do NaPoWriMo in April, because I only realised it was April a week into the month.
  • Still a goal: Daily freewriting
  • Journalling I do, sometimes. Something else to step up with.

Social/Activism

  • I started helping out with Derbyshire Refugee Solidarity. Sorting donations in the warehouse, lifting heavy things, and raising sponsorship with running.

Mental Health

  • Do the therapy and homework (without constant sarcasm). As if I thought I could live without sarcasm? What a fool I can be.
  • I do manage to go to therapy and do my homework (usually). It’s pretty good. I like group.

Other Stuff

  • Everything constantly needs tidying. This does not qualify as a life goal.
  • I still want to do some art.
  • And learn to knit. My bro gave me this. Reckon I can do it? knit-a-friend-kit-myles-monkey
  • NEW GOAL: Learn to drive. Watch out!
  • Other new goal: Learn violin. I got my old violin back. I’m sure the neighbours will be overjoyed
  • Other other goal: Get better at poi.
  • Adventures will always be a goal

 

OK, I’ve been semi-successful in some areas. I haven’t achieved absolutely nothing. I was deeply unimpressed with the whole birthday thing, because it underlines how my life is passing by while I waste time. But maybe I’ve done a few things, positive things which are better than nothing.

 

Goal Report: 27 years

Poem: 26

“Where you are is exactly where you’re supposed to be.”  Keep telling yourself that.

26 and I still don’t know where Dorset is

or how I got these bruises

Still can’t tell herpes from acne or remember

which scars came from which disease

I’ve destroyed more than I’ve created but at least  I’ve kept it cyclical

Pleasing symmetry, circling the drain

Charybdis is awful shabby these days  (it’s the drink that done her)

but on the other hands        and other heads

Scylla isn’t bad, for a hard place.

I’m 26 and still kicking at mythical monsters

from the childrens’ room of a smalltown library

26 and still hoping to score something

to shoot that fucking arrow straight into staring eyes

be phoenix fire ashes all at once                           dashed away on the breeze

Hell I Just want to hit something

After more than a quarter of a century I should have learned:

This is how you get bruises

Poem: 26