All tomorrow’s pills

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And ain’t none of them good for parties.
Amoxycillin, prednisolone, ranitidine.
Ibuprofen, echinachea, evening primrose oil, herbal sleep aid (hops, Valerian & passionflower – about a quid from Wilko. I prefer something stronger but I do appreciate this stuff too. It do work.)
As seems to happen lot these days, I went to London, had a intensely excellent time, Anarchist Bookfair then catch up with mates I haven’t seen for ages.
Of course I must pay for all my joy, so i came back extremely sick. I blame the cat. I am so tragically allergic that I generally require medical help after staying with a kitty for over 36 hours. I spent 11 hours behind enemy lines this time and and was destroyed.

Some of my friends were already so busted that they were trying to carry out a clandestine (sorry for busting your cover guys) antibiotics swap to try get at least some kind of help for everyone’s chest infections and fresher’s flues,  so I assume I caught something from them in a perfect timing to combine with the cat asthma Catsthma? Can I call it that? Or is that too cute for a disease that had me coughing up blood and for once in my hypochondriac life, actually wondering whether to call 111 or whatever.
Learning curve: asthma is scary as fuck. Pain crushing your chest, gasping for breath through the froth and gunge that suddenly seems to be filling 90% of your airways. You’re dizzy and confused from lack of oxygen, trying to keep talking just to prove that you still can and that means you can’t be dying.

Next day, along with the pills up there, the nurse gave me my own inhaler, and may we never be parted.

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All tomorrow’s pills

Shitty Craft #4: Junkie Jewellery

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Cyberpunk or something. It’s called Junkie jewellery because 1. It’s made of junk, woo recycling! And 2. It has zero resale value, so even if you have long since flogged all your precious metals to Cash Converters (shoulda used a real jeweller mate…) you can rock this fabulous look. It’s called upcycling, and hipsters spend a lot of money on it.

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This one was once part of a bracelet, a curtain ring, and a handle from a fancy shopping bag.
Both of these are my new favourite works in progress, endlessly re-arrangable and basically free. Better than free: in using up my horded tat I’m actually increasing my quality of life and real estate value of my dwelling.

So what do you think, do I have a future career in “upcycled” design? This is the easiest Shitty Craft yet, just find a string or other long narrow object, adorn it, and fasten it round your neck (preferably avoiding strangulation hazards) and you’re good to go! Follow my blog for more shitty crafts, (might branch out into bracelets! Even earrings! They look hard.) And there might be some cookery, cycling, politics and ADVENTURES coming up as well.

Shitty Craft #4: Junkie Jewellery

Shitty Craft Project #3 – SPOOKY LAMPSHADE

Add a little character to your everyday life by painting boring household objects. The handprint has been a staple of artistic expression since caveman days, and adds a great slasher movie vibe, especially if you stick to a palette of reds, pinks and blacks.

This was a plain cream fabric lampshade from some cheap value range. It was battered and vaguely stained with what looked suspiciously like blood spots, so I decided to make it a statement piece. I chose colours which matched my room’s existing scheme, and matched the design mood to my room’s ‘cursed junkshop run by the Order of Thanateros and several magpies on acid’ vibe.

As this is a craft instructional, I’m basically saying that you should paint all your stuff. You don’t have to be skilled, just do it. All you need is acrylic paint, water, and a paintbrush. Go mad, have some fun. The urge to put our personal mark on our surroundings is one of the origins of human artistic culture, don’t let yourself be alienated from that. It’s 100% more satisfying to put your own mark on something than to buy readymade. DIY, express yourself; these things are punk as fuck. Capitalism would have it that only professional designers and artists are worthy to have their work displayed. Money isn’t the point here. This is Shitty Crafts, proudly worthless in monetary terms, massively valuable for fulfilling the basic human need for creativity.

Shitty Craft Project #3 – SPOOKY LAMPSHADE

Shitty Craft Project: Customised Phone Case

Phone case
A certain kind of Needlework. (Sorry about the shit photography. I was probably drunk.)

For this project you will need: Plain PU leather phone case, a needle (sewing variety preferable), chalk, leather varnish, paintbrush, superglue, plastic tat with flat surfaces suitable for gluing.

  1. Think of a meaningful and beautiful phrase. No stupid cliches, no spelling errors, nothing that will make people think you’re an idiot as soon as you get your phone out. They’re already judging you for your phone addiction, don’t add fuel to the fire by writing YOLO on it or something like that. I chose a quote from E.M. Forster, but the most well known one, so that more people will recognise how intelligent and well read I am.
  2. Get your sewing needle, thumb tack, really small screw, or large guague hypodermic, and scratch your phrase into your stuff. You want all the letters to be even and legible. Think about typeface and kerning, but then realise that unless you’re some kind of craft genius it will look like something you idly scratched into your desk at school. And that’s OK. This is shitty craft, not fucking Pinterest.
  3. Scribble over your lettering with chalk. Experiment with different colours and effects, wipe it off a few times. The main point is for the chalk to fill the scratches so the letters show up. Wipe off any excess chalk, then varnish it. I kept a square area of chalk smears for aesthetic reasons, while the lettering is relatively clear. I used this leather finishing varnish from Direct Leather Supplies. I had it left over from a boot painting project, I knew it would come in handy again one day!
  4. To make your project even more amateur and shitty, glue on whatever bits of garbage you can find around the house. I used a plastic ant, in keeping with the social theme of my quote. I glued it on with Loctite and then weighted it down with books while it bonded. I must say, Loctite is the shit.

    I wholeheartedly recommend these tiny glues.
  5. In 12 hours or so, the glue and varnish will be dry and your phone holder will be ready to go. Take it out and show it off. Make sure everyone knows how interesting and crafty you are by waving your phone case in their faces and yelling ‘I MADE THIS!’. I promise they will be impressed; this may even be your way into that fashion design internship you secretly crave.
Shitty Craft Project: Customised Phone Case

I did the Firewalk!

Remember I was planning to walk on hot coals?

I did it!

Pippa firewalk
I walk across the fire

It did actually hurt. Not in a bad way, but you can defintiely feel the heat searing into your feet. Luckily I like pain.

I’ve not done any charity sponsorship stuff since way back in school, so I am amazed, humbled and thankful at the great response I’ve had. So many of you have given, to a charity called Annabel’s Angels, who you’ve probably never even heard of. They are an amazing charity, giving practical help to people living with cancer here in Derby.

If you want to donate, click to here. £120 raised so far.

I’m SO happy and grateful. Firewalking was a beautiful experience for me, because I’m something of a masochist. But the money being raised for this charity is actually blowing my mind, THANK YOU ALL!!!

This was all part of Challenge Cancer Week.

I want to thank Simon Jones specifically, this was his brainchild.

Thank you to everyone who was involved in making this happen, and thank you to the Telegraph for reporting it!

It feels too good to be true. I did something which I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and by doing it, raised £120+ for an amazing cause. So many family and friends chipped in, I am so grateful to all of you.

Thank you. It’s especially poignant as my friend has been diagnosed with an inoperable liver cancer. I can’t save him, (I fuckin wish I could) but at least I’m doing something, right?

Thankyou, all of you.

https://www.justgiving.com/Pippa-Nayer

I did the Firewalk!

Begging for £££ (for a good cause) (ie. not for me)

This is a transparent begging post. Please sponsor my CHALLENGE CANCER FIREWALK!

Starting tomorrow is Challenge Cancer Week. Today, I found out that my friend’s cancer has recurred and is now inoperable. The sad thing is that this is nothing unusual, it is more unusual NOT to know someone affected by cancer. Why is this? Is modern life toxic? Is our DNA just not up to scratch? Are we still just smoking way too much? Is it an unfortunate side effect of living longer lives?

And what do we do? There are plenty of charities researching the big questions and cures, but I’m raising money for a local charity that provides practical emotional and financial support to people with cancer. Stuff like money for a babysitter while a parent attends chemo sessions, grants to buy mobility aids and hire home help. Because while they try and find a cure, there are hundreds of thousands of people living with cancer, living through treatment, sometimes for a short time, sometimes for many years. And they need help. Especially as the NHS and Health and Social Care budgets come under increasing strain, and sickness benefits are maladministered and often denied to those who need them, people will more often have to rely on charity to get through the hardest times of their lives.

After a week of fundraising and educational activites, the finale will be the Firewalk. And I am one of the Firewalk Fifty. If fifty people raise £50 each, that will be £2500. And I bet some people raise a lot more than £50. There’s a DJ from Radio Derby coming, I bet he can raise a lot more. And all this will help support people in Derby areas, who are living with cancer. I might burn my feet, but it’s for a good cause.

Please donate here.

Begging for £££ (for a good cause) (ie. not for me)

Looks bad, when you put it like that…

I’m 26 and have never had a job. So far I’ve known the joys of clinical depression, anorexia, bulimia and self harm. Right now my life is enhanced by Borderline Personality Disorder, Depressive Personality Disorder, and probably some kind of anxiety thing. Oh, and G.E.R.D. (gastro-esophegeal reflux disorder, a.k.a. heartburn all the goddamn time, with plenty puking up for no reason thrown in just to make me look even stupider). I’ve flunked and failed nearly everything I’ve tried, except for university, which I managed to graduate 4 years later than everyone else, after wasting 50% of the whole experience being too depressed and panicky to interact with other human beings. The other 50% I was drunk, which was honestly great, though I wish I could remember more.

I’m getting more and more sad. This always happens around this time of year, but right now it is ridiculous. I’ve pretty much lost all the progress I was trying to make, and can’t stop crying. If I ever had any impulse control or discipline, I don’t anymore, or at least it’s all been used up in making sure I don’t cry 24/7. I know they say you should express your emotions, but when I start crying, that’s a day wiped out. One good thing about having a long history of being a miserable fuck is that I know the signs. Feeling on the edge of tears, but unable to cry, means something bad is coming to my mind, is brewing in the background and will eventually explode and ruin something. Constant tearfulness is a prettty standard symptom of depressive disorders. I keep thinking I might have hormonal problems because it’s like having PMS, but nearly all the time. On paper I’m making great plans, I have a full diary. In the real world, I struggle to move. I do manage, though. I went to a poetry night last week and performed two poems. I went on a 6 mile and a 9 mile hike with my dad. I write bits and pieces. My creative work sends me alternating between suicidal despair and driven joy, and is the only thing that occasionally breaks up the ocean of pathetic derealisation and depersonalisation, which are the main alternatives to feeling like the whole world is as tragically sad and unfair as that bit when Bambi’s mum dies.

I have been told in no uncertain terms that the way I live is not at all good enough. I need to be working, driving, exercising daily, and having some kind of hobbies. I need to eat better and wake up earlier.

I got a sleep timing app and it tells me I average about 6 hours sleep a night. I had assumed that I was lazy and wasting time by waking up late, but on top of that, I’m still sleep deprived. I exercise 2 times a week vigorously, not including strolling round the shops or whatever. I cycled 10 miles today. But I didn’t get anywhere and later had a panic attack because I hate shops. The mildest annoyances make my brain flip out and give me a front row seat to the Experimental Jugular Opening Trial. What will work best?
Luckily this is all idle speculation, this is just how I calm my thoughts. In reality I’m just sitting hunched, chewing my fingers/sleeve/scarf, staring into middle distance away from you. It’s actually great progress and mental strength, that I don’t act on self destructive urges any more.
But that won’t get me a job because I’m still a pathetic mental patient who can’t do normal activities without freaking out, so how do I get job and life and stop being such a loser?

Looks bad, when you put it like that…