All tomorrow’s pills

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And ain’t none of them good for parties.
Amoxycillin, prednisolone, ranitidine.
Ibuprofen, echinachea, evening primrose oil, herbal sleep aid (hops, Valerian & passionflower – about a quid from Wilko. I prefer something stronger but I do appreciate this stuff too. It do work.)
As seems to happen lot these days, I went to London, had a intensely excellent time, Anarchist Bookfair then catch up with mates I haven’t seen for ages.
Of course I must pay for all my joy, so i came back extremely sick. I blame the cat. I am so tragically allergic that I generally require medical help after staying with a kitty for over 36 hours. I spent 11 hours behind enemy lines this time and and was destroyed.

Some of my friends were already so busted that they were trying to carry out a clandestine (sorry for busting your cover guys) antibiotics swap to try get at least some kind of help for everyone’s chest infections and fresher’s flues,  so I assume I caught something from them in a perfect timing to combine with the cat asthma Catsthma? Can I call it that? Or is that too cute for a disease that had me coughing up blood and for once in my hypochondriac life, actually wondering whether to call 111 or whatever.
Learning curve: asthma is scary as fuck. Pain crushing your chest, gasping for breath through the froth and gunge that suddenly seems to be filling 90% of your airways. You’re dizzy and confused from lack of oxygen, trying to keep talking just to prove that you still can and that means you can’t be dying.

Next day, along with the pills up there, the nurse gave me my own inhaler, and may we never be parted.

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All tomorrow’s pills

Shitty Craft #4: Junkie Jewellery

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Cyberpunk or something. It’s called Junkie jewellery because 1. It’s made of junk, woo recycling! And 2. It has zero resale value, so even if you have long since flogged all your precious metals to Cash Converters (shoulda used a real jeweller mate…) you can rock this fabulous look. It’s called upcycling, and hipsters spend a lot of money on it.

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This one was once part of a bracelet, a curtain ring, and a handle from a fancy shopping bag.
Both of these are my new favourite works in progress, endlessly re-arrangable and basically free. Better than free: in using up my horded tat I’m actually increasing my quality of life and real estate value of my dwelling.

So what do you think, do I have a future career in “upcycled” design? This is the easiest Shitty Craft yet, just find a string or other long narrow object, adorn it, and fasten it round your neck (preferably avoiding strangulation hazards) and you’re good to go! Follow my blog for more shitty crafts, (might branch out into bracelets! Even earrings! They look hard.) And there might be some cookery, cycling, politics and ADVENTURES coming up as well.

Shitty Craft #4: Junkie Jewellery

Shitty Craft Project #3 – SPOOKY LAMPSHADE

Add a little character to your everyday life by painting boring household objects. The handprint has been a staple of artistic expression since caveman days, and adds a great slasher movie vibe, especially if you stick to a palette of reds, pinks and blacks.

This was a plain cream fabric lampshade from some cheap value range. It was battered and vaguely stained with what looked suspiciously like blood spots, so I decided to make it a statement piece. I chose colours which matched my room’s existing scheme, and matched the design mood to my room’s ‘cursed junkshop run by the Order of Thanateros and several magpies on acid’ vibe.

As this is a craft instructional, I’m basically saying that you should paint all your stuff. You don’t have to be skilled, just do it. All you need is acrylic paint, water, and a paintbrush. Go mad, have some fun. The urge to put our personal mark on our surroundings is one of the origins of human artistic culture, don’t let yourself be alienated from that. It’s 100% more satisfying to put your own mark on something than to buy readymade. DIY, express yourself; these things are punk as fuck. Capitalism would have it that only professional designers and artists are worthy to have their work displayed. Money isn’t the point here. This is Shitty Crafts, proudly worthless in monetary terms, massively valuable for fulfilling the basic human need for creativity.

Shitty Craft Project #3 – SPOOKY LAMPSHADE

Shitty Craft Project: Customised Phone Case

Phone case
A certain kind of Needlework. (Sorry about the shit photography. I was probably drunk.)

For this project you will need: Plain PU leather phone case, a needle (sewing variety preferable), chalk, leather varnish, paintbrush, superglue, plastic tat with flat surfaces suitable for gluing.

  1. Think of a meaningful and beautiful phrase. No stupid cliches, no spelling errors, nothing that will make people think you’re an idiot as soon as you get your phone out. They’re already judging you for your phone addiction, don’t add fuel to the fire by writing YOLO on it or something like that. I chose a quote from E.M. Forster, but the most well known one, so that more people will recognise how intelligent and well read I am.
  2. Get your sewing needle, thumb tack, really small screw, or large guague hypodermic, and scratch your phrase into your stuff. You want all the letters to be even and legible. Think about typeface and kerning, but then realise that unless you’re some kind of craft genius it will look like something you idly scratched into your desk at school. And that’s OK. This is shitty craft, not fucking Pinterest.
  3. Scribble over your lettering with chalk. Experiment with different colours and effects, wipe it off a few times. The main point is for the chalk to fill the scratches so the letters show up. Wipe off any excess chalk, then varnish it. I kept a square area of chalk smears for aesthetic reasons, while the lettering is relatively clear. I used this leather finishing varnish from Direct Leather Supplies. I had it left over from a boot painting project, I knew it would come in handy again one day!
  4. To make your project even more amateur and shitty, glue on whatever bits of garbage you can find around the house. I used a plastic ant, in keeping with the social theme of my quote. I glued it on with Loctite and then weighted it down with books while it bonded. I must say, Loctite is the shit.

    I wholeheartedly recommend these tiny glues.
  5. In 12 hours or so, the glue and varnish will be dry and your phone holder will be ready to go. Take it out and show it off. Make sure everyone knows how interesting and crafty you are by waving your phone case in their faces and yelling ‘I MADE THIS!’. I promise they will be impressed; this may even be your way into that fashion design internship you secretly crave.
Shitty Craft Project: Customised Phone Case

I did the Firewalk!

Remember I was planning to walk on hot coals?

I did it!

Pippa firewalk
I walk across the fire

It did actually hurt. Not in a bad way, but you can defintiely feel the heat searing into your feet. Luckily I like pain.

I’ve not done any charity sponsorship stuff since way back in school, so I am amazed, humbled and thankful at the great response I’ve had. So many of you have given, to a charity called Annabel’s Angels, who you’ve probably never even heard of. They are an amazing charity, giving practical help to people living with cancer here in Derby.

If you want to donate, click to here. £120 raised so far.

I’m SO happy and grateful. Firewalking was a beautiful experience for me, because I’m something of a masochist. But the money being raised for this charity is actually blowing my mind, THANK YOU ALL!!!

This was all part of Challenge Cancer Week.

I want to thank Simon Jones specifically, this was his brainchild.

Thank you to everyone who was involved in making this happen, and thank you to the Telegraph for reporting it!

It feels too good to be true. I did something which I’ve wanted to do for a long time, and by doing it, raised £120+ for an amazing cause. So many family and friends chipped in, I am so grateful to all of you.

Thank you. It’s especially poignant as my friend has been diagnosed with an inoperable liver cancer. I can’t save him, (I fuckin wish I could) but at least I’m doing something, right?

Thankyou, all of you.

https://www.justgiving.com/Pippa-Nayer

I did the Firewalk!