I don’t spend all my time sitting around feeling miserable, moaning at the internet and waiting to die. Especially now I’m trying not to be 100% shit, I do things in the real world and try to go outside.
Today, after the psychiatrist appointment, I chanced to read a friend’s post of Facebook inviting everyone over to do gardening. Over I went, in the beautiful sunlight, to a huge old house which might actually be the nicest home I’ve ever been in without having to pay an admission fee. The kitchen opened out onto the solid wood deck, which opened out onto the lawn and the raised beds. Four of us spent the afternoon weeding, transplanting seedlings into the beds and building cane & string pyramids for the runner beans to climb up. Then our friend cooked us a beautiful meal and we ate and chatted. I’d not met the other two plant helpers before, and their botanical knowledge was astounding.
I ended up spending about seven hours round there, doing useful work, absorbing the sunlight and touching the earth. Even though I knew none of the other people there well, I didn’t feel anxious or like I had anything to prove. And I’m a person who will spend days or even weeks in isolation, hiding from society because human interaction feels like an impossible, terrifying burden. Today broke my month long anti-social streak.